A new rhythm in our relationship

At one time, he worked and provided for us singlehandedly while our Mother looked after all our needs singlehandedly at home. A lot has changed since then.  Mother had passed away nearly 14 years ago at age 85 after being ill and kind of bed-ridden for about 2-3 weeks due to kidney failure.  Father is now almost 101 years old, already weak, hard of hearing and although still mobile and still able to look after his own hygiene, he definitely needs someone to see to his daily needs. 
   
Immediately after Mother passed away I offered Father to stay with me, but he was, to say the least, 'abhored".  He is comfortable in his own home where he had stayed in since 1961 and he likes his independence.  For the past 14 years we were very lucky because we managed to hire a lived -in maid to look after his needs. 

The maid will be going home soon for a month's holiday.   Sister and I are actually not looking forward to replace the maid during the one month because of the adjustments we have to make to our daily routine.  Looking at him just now I felt guilty for feeling this way.  I must think of a way to make it a positive experience for both him and me. 

"Everyone ages... Age creeps up on us as we go about our lives. One day mom and dad are robust, and, suddenly or gradually, they are not. One day we are robust, and then we are not... 

Caring for a loved one who is elderly, ill or disabled brings with it a complex set of emotions and issues, as does being cared for. As roles change and children assist an elderly parent who once cared for them ... a delicate dance begins... As roles shift, each person must cope with the loss of the familiar role and establish a new rhythm in their relationship".

Extract from Caring for loved ones and ourselves is a delicate dance by Karen Freitag

Pleasurable nostalgia

As I grow older I feel that reconnecting to relatives,old friends and making new friends had become more important and enjoyable. Events where relatives and old friends can meet had become sources of pleasurable nostalgia and with greater freedom to relax and less interference from the demands of work, there are more opportunities to bond with new friends.

Some years ago (21)

Date of entry:  13 July 1948

What do I actually want to do?  I am already 30 plus but I am still uncertain.  There are opportunities, I must admit.  So, what am I waiting for?

By Woon/Joon SC

Ha...ha....

George Burns quotes:

• Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
• Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
• By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it

Bob Hope quotes:

1. She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
2. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
3. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle!

The bond that endures

I was at my Father's house yesterday on Mother's Day.  Sister and I talked a bit about Mother, basically comparing Father with Mother.  While driving home I thought a lot about my Mother.  

I can never forget the fact that it was Mother who gave me the support to apply for a place in University.   After completing Form 6 (that was 45 years ago) my Father had encouraged me to work.  I remember he showed me an advertisement for a Cadet Journalist position with the New Straits Times and asked me to apply.  Probably he was worried that he would not be able to support me as well as my 3 younger brothers through university. 

At that time I had already got hold of an application form for placement in University Malaya.  I was therefore hesitant to apply for the job and at the same time I dared not apply for a place in the university.    I filled up the form in pencil, photostated all the necessary supporting documents and placed it in the drawer.  But everyday I would take it out and look at it.   After about one week my Mother waved me to one corner of the house and whispered "You want to go to university right?".  I nodded.  "Then apply" she said and she took out the form from the drawer.  "Where to get money to pay the fees?" I asked.  "Don't worry, I'll see what I can do" she said.  Although it is almost 14 years since she passed on, I still miss her a lot. 

Unconditional love

"A mother’s job is probably the most laborious in the world, often comes without a Manual, and once appointed, there is no such thing as turning back or throwing in the towel. Once a mother, always a mother!

From morning sickness to labour pains, a mother’s worry for her child ceases only with her last breath. Sacrifices she makes often come unrecognised, undervalued and often, taken for granted.

Her sweat was probably dry before you could even notice it. Her burnt skin from the kitchen was probably forgotten. Her tears went unseen. Her sleepless nights unrecorded. Her fatigue, unmentioned.

But yet, a mother’s love will always stand strong like a flame that burns despite all odds. This is the real meaning of “Unconditional Love”. Untainted. Come rain or shine".

Quote: Sairana Mohd Saad in what-am-i-without-you-mother

She got a new nose after 33 years!

Rakhi, who is from a small village in Gujranwala (in Pakistan), was married off to Ghulam Baksh when she was just 13. Belonging to the same clan, Rakhi, like most rural women, had no say in the wedding. She was regularly subjected to domestic violence.  Rakhi was 19 and already a mother of two — a boy and girl, when her husband chopped off her nose!  Her children grew up with their mother’s face always covered with a little cloth patch on her face and a veil on top of it at all times.  Now 33 year later Dr Hamid Hassan took up the challenge of constructing a new nose for her, using flaps of Rakhi’s skin. 

Read full article Violence against women: Years after he cut off her nose she smiled to spite his face

Girls'Day out!

Four things a woman should know:
How to look like a girl, How to act like a lady, How to think like a man, And how to work like a dog.
Author Unknown

This is torturous!

Sushi class with Meng Foon, Melissa, Shirley and others 

Sushi Chef painstakingly showing us how to do it

Samples of sushis made by the Chef

The 2 trays infront made by Me!

Hey..so proud of our self-made sushis!!

We CAN have peaceful demonstrations

A group of protestors in Surabaya carrying out a peaceful marching demonstration escorted by police outriders.  Perhaps the authorities in Malaysia could take a lesson from Surabaya?  

A gift from the Creator

Your life is a gift from the Creator. Your gift back to the Creator is what you do with your life. - Billy Mills

Dinner at Castell to celebrate the boys' birthdays

Robbed off their childhood!

I secretly recorded these pictures at a car wash at the back of a restaurant. Shall I make a report? Although the children were not being bullied, they did looked unhappy. Also we have laws against child labour! They were washing the plates,pots and pans non-stop. Both were not wearing gloves. The elder one was wearing a pair of rubber boots, the younger one was barefooted!

Some years ago (20)

Date of entry 9 March 1949

Daughter Kim was teaching her younger sister the Malay language. Kim said : " 'Saya' is 'ME'. Her younger sister said: "Okay. So 'saya' is YOU!"

By Joon/Woon SC

Note: The younger sister was actually me, hee..hee..

Some years ago (19)

Date of entry: 14.8.1948 (Saturday)

Today is the first day of the Perak Turf Club Autumn Meeting. Mr. Wong and I went to Ipoh at 2 pm and reached the race course at 3pm. It was the starting of the 5th race. We then bought a cash sweep each and subsequently for each of the succeeding races. The nearest number we got was in the 8th race. Our number was 1991 and the number of the first prize was 1985.

We drank beer and whisky, half peg, after every race. Each of us lost about $10.

I then went to my cousin's place, Rex Hotel, and the whisky in me began to work. I felt giddy and vomitted in the wash basin in Room 7. I could not control myself and slept on the canvas bed till the next morning.

Now, remember again..never over drink!

By Joon/Woon SC

Mr. "What's left"

A person cannot be judged by his appearance

人不可貌相，海水不可斗量

A person cannot be judged by his appearance in the same token as the sea cannot be measured with a bucket.

Maid, 13, left starving...

Indian police rescued a 13-year-old maid who was locked up by her employers in their apartment with little food and water while they vacationed in Thailand.

The girl was rescued after spending 6 days locked up in the apartment, in an upper-middle class New Delhi neighbourhood.

News reports say her employers were doctors. The neighbours heard her crying for help and called police.

A child welfare official said the girl ran out of food after two days and was weak with hunger.

India's child labour laws make it illegal to employ children under 14, but the law is rampantly flouted.

Source: http://www.theaustralian.com.au

Aging gracefully!

ON TURNING 70
'I still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

Quote - Bob Hope

Clip art credited to www.picturesof.net

Our broadest smiles

I met this Hokkien speaking woman (about 60+) several days ago. She does not speak English, just only the Chinese dialect Hokkien. Here goes a translation of our conversation:

Hokkien woman: Hey... you look familiar...I think I have seen you before. Are you from Parit Buntar?

Me: I lived in Parit Buntar for 10 years. Maybe we went to the same school?

Hokkien woman: School? Cannnot be. I have never been to school.

Me: Were you in the Chinese primary school near the river?

Hokkien woman: Yes, I know about the Chinese primary school near the river. But I had never been to school. When I was small I used to help my father sell "tit-bits" outside that school. I used to envy the girls who go to school and always stared at them.

Well, talk about a small world. Although I do not remember her, possibly she remembers me

because she had wished she was like me, able to go to school?

Me: Where did you used to stay in Parit Buntar?

Hokkien woman: Actually along the river, 2 miles away from the Chinese primary school

Me: You are now staying in this condo?

Hokkien woman: Yes, I am staying with my daughter, looking after her 2 children.

Hokkien woman: You know, I brought up my 2 children all on my own. When my son, the second child was only 1 month old, my husband left me for another woman and never came back. I had to do all sorts of odd jobs to buy milk for the 2 children. I carried my son on my back and washed clothes for people. I also washed houses and offices, sold curry puffs and "kuehs". I put my son on my father's bicycle and cycled into the villages to prick the ears of little girls for 50 sen per child. I also used to sew and would sew until 2 or 3 am in order to earn some money to pay their school fees. You know, I worked and toiled for 25 years. Now they are big.

When she was telling me her life story, she was smiling all the time. I think she was not complaining, she was just so proud of her own ability to overcome life's harsh challenges.

I brought up my 3 kids singlehandedly too. But compared to her, my experience may have been a walk in the park, maybe along a tough mudder course, slippery at times but generally okay.

At the end of the day both she and me can put on our broadest smiles.