Who the hell is missed out?

This is too nice for me not to keep in the blog

Source:  unknown

In the mood for some people bashing today!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

 

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

 

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

 

 

Mr. "What's left"

True or not?

沒錢的時候，養豬；
有錢的時候，養狗。
When without money, keep pigs;
When have money, keep dogs.

沒錢的時候，在家裡吃野菜；
有錢的時候，在酒店吃野菜。
When without money, eat wild vege at home ;
When have money, eat same wild vege in fine restaurant.

沒錢的時候，在馬路上騎自行車；
有錢的時候，在客廳裡騎自行車。
When without money, ride bicycle;
When have money, ride exercise machine.

沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書；
有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆。
When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes wife.

沒錢的時候,假裝有錢；
有錢的時候,假裝沒錢。
When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.

Source: unknown

Simple economics tutorial!

He Brews!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: "HEBREWS"

Ke...ke...ke...

Credit to: http://www.thejokeyard.com/

Why sleep is important !

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time Im not eating is when Im sleeping!"

Source: http://jokes.smashits.com/

She wouldn't talk to me for a month!

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says "Oh just a beer".

The bartender asked the man "Whats wrong,why are you so down today?".

The man said "My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would'nt talk to me for a month".

The bartender said "So whats wrong with that"?

The man siad "Well the month is up tonight".

Source: http://www.thejokeyard.com/sexist_jokes/no_taking_for_3_days.html

This is also quite funny

Credit to: http://joekohl.com/cartoons_2.htm

This is quite funny!

Credit to: http://joekohl.com/cartoons_2.htm

What are men like?

Men are like ... Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ... Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like ... Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like ... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ... Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Source: http://www.todaysseniors.com/pages/Clean_Jokes_Stories1.html

Some cute jokes

Why wear wedding ring on wrong finger?

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

Wife wanted!

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Too blind in love to notice!

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

Credits to: http://www.guy-sports.com/jokes/woman_jokes.htm

Where is the remote?

Credit: http://www.freefunnypixs.com/funny-cartoons

Hazards of the electronic age

Credit: http://www.freefunnypixs.com/funny-cartoons

Enjoy these definitions

• School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
• Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
• Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
• Marriage: An agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
• Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either.”
• Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
• Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
• Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

A woman's wish!

Source: http://www.todaysseniors.com/pages/Funny_Cartoon_Pictures.html

Guide to office workers!

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.

People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.

People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom.

Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Source: http://humour.webwweb.com

She picks up things!

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, - "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, - "You're a mother!"

Source: http://humour.webwweb.com/

Sami Vellu's stamp

I found this joke so funny I couldn't resist including it on the blog. But only Malaysians will apreciate the joke.

Sami Vellu hoping to improve his reputation, wanted to release a set of stamps with his image.

More than a month after release, Sami Vellu wanted to ask how the sales are doing …..
Sami Vellu ： “How’s the sales status?”
Post Office Head Officer: “Not bad, but often many people complained the stamps won’t stick firmly.”

Sami Vellu ： “How come?" Sami Vellu took a stamp, plastered some saliva on the backside of the stamp, then tried to stick it on an envelope ….
Sami Vellu ： “Isn’t this stuck on quite firmly?”
Post Office Head Officer: “But …… everyone …. spit saliva on the front side...oh ...oh……”)

Source: http://ahkong.net/humour-6-exceptional-malaysia-jokes-that-malaysians-enjoy-most/

What kind of a joke is that?

I heard this wry joke on the Light and Easy Radio Channel the other day, twice in a day.

"You know the best place to get married? It's the funeral parlour! Because when you say "I do", you are dead anyway".

What kind of a joke is that?