A new rhythm in our relationship

At one time, he worked and provided for us singlehandedly while our Mother looked after all our needs singlehandedly at home. A lot has changed since then.  Mother had passed away nearly 14 years ago at age 85 after being ill and kind of bed-ridden for about 2-3 weeks due to kidney failure.  Father is now almost 101 years old, already weak, hard of hearing and although still mobile and still able to look after his own hygiene, he definitely needs someone to see to his daily needs. 
   
Immediately after Mother passed away I offered Father to stay with me, but he was, to say the least, 'abhored".  He is comfortable in his own home where he had stayed in since 1961 and he likes his independence.  For the past 14 years we were very lucky because we managed to hire a lived -in maid to look after his needs. 

The maid will be going home soon for a month's holiday.   Sister and I are actually not looking forward to replace the maid during the one month because of the adjustments we have to make to our daily routine.  Looking at him just now I felt guilty for feeling this way.  I must think of a way to make it a positive experience for both him and me. 

"Everyone ages... Age creeps up on us as we go about our lives. One day mom and dad are robust, and, suddenly or gradually, they are not. One day we are robust, and then we are not... 

Caring for a loved one who is elderly, ill or disabled brings with it a complex set of emotions and issues, as does being cared for. As roles change and children assist an elderly parent who once cared for them ... a delicate dance begins... As roles shift, each person must cope with the loss of the familiar role and establish a new rhythm in their relationship".

Extract from Caring for loved ones and ourselves is a delicate dance by Karen Freitag