Caring for Father in my house for 5 weeks last month made me realize that caring for an aging parent is the most difficult thing one could ever endure, more mentally than physically.
He has lost a lot of weight. A once very healthy man who was very much into sports and physical activities, had now shriveled down to a a shadow of his former self. He has also now become incontinent and has to go to toilet every half hour, at most, every hour. He refuses to wear diapers or use the urinal so I had no option but to give up almost all my sleep as his legs are so weak that he has to be accompanied each time to the toilet. His frequent trips were not only tiring for me but put a strain on him too.
The most difficult part for me is not the sleep deprivation but the feeling of helplessness and frustration. I feel angry that this is happening to someone so close to me. I feel helpless and a lot of guilt for not being able to give him the best, not able to make him better, not able to give him back some of the quality of life that he deserves. He is making the motions, but his quality of life is no longer.
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Father and Mother, taken in front of our then new house in Petaling Jaya in 1961. That would mean he was 50 and Mother was 49 when this picture was taken, most likely by the late Mr Tan who was an avid photographer.
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| With his best friend the late Mr. Tan when Tan visited our then new house in Petaling Jaya in 1961 |
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| In this picture he could have been in his late 50s |
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| Judging from the age of his first grandchild this picture could have been taken in 1974 when Father was 63 |
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| Judging from the age of his little granddaughter then, this picture could have been taken in Perth in 1983, which means Father would have been 72 and Mother 71 |
Now that Father has gone back home as the domestic helper who looks after him had come back from her holidays, I am relieved of having to care for him. But I cannot for one second stop feeling the despair and frustration.
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