We vowed our true love

"Oh, how we danced on the night we were wed
We vowed our true love though a word wasn't said
The world was in bloom, there were stars in the skies
Except for the few that were there in your eyes.
The night seemed to fade into blossoming dawn
The sun shone anew but the dance lingered on
Could we but relive that sweet moment sublime
We'd find that our love is unaltered by time."

- lyrics to "The Anniversary Waltz," composed by Dubin/Frankl

Nephew Ooi Jin and Evon officially husband and wife! 

Groom's family members anxiously waiting for the group photo to be taken

Bride's family getting ready for group photo



The very lovely Evon, my new niece-in-law.  Welcome into our Woon family! 

Feeling of despair

Caring for Father in my house for 5 weeks last month made me realize that caring for an aging parent is the most difficult thing one could ever endure, more mentally than physically.

He has lost a lot of weight. A once very healthy man who was very much into sports and physical activities, had now shriveled down to a a shadow of his former self. He has also now become incontinent and has to go to toilet every half hour, at most, every hour. He refuses to wear diapers or use the urinal so I had no option but to give up almost all my sleep as his legs are so weak that he has to be accompanied each time to the toilet.  His frequent trips were not only tiring for me but put a strain on him too. 

The most difficult part for me is not the sleep deprivation but the feeling of helplessness and frustration. I feel angry that this is happening to someone so close to me. I feel helpless and a lot of guilt for not being able to give him the best, not able to make him better, not able to give him back some of the quality of life that he deserves. He is making the motions, but his quality of life is no longer.



Father and Mother, taken in front of our then new house in Petaling Jaya in 1961.  That would mean he was 50 and Mother was 49 when this picture was taken, most likely by the late Mr Tan who was an avid photographer.

 






With his best friend the late Mr. Tan when Tan visited our then new house in Petaling Jaya in 1961

In this picture he could have been in his late 50s

Judging from the age of his first grandchild this picture could have been taken in 1974 when Father was 63

 

Judging from the age of his little granddaughter then, this picture could have been taken in Perth in 1983, which means Father would have been 72 and Mother 71 

Now that Father has gone back home as the domestic helper who looks after him had come back from her holidays, I am relieved of having to care for him. But I cannot for one second stop feeling the despair and frustration.

 

activegoldengirls

Changed back the name of this blog to 'activegoldengirls' today, on the request of friends.  They think the new name was too serious for me and the original name activegoldengirls is more appropriate as it somewhat reflects me.  Really? he..he...  So "thoughtsandreflections" lasted only 10 days!

There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.”
― Anaïs Nin

War traumatised children of Syria

I read this report by Save the Children several times today.

http://www.savethechildren.org.uk/sites/default/files/images/untold_atrocities.pdf

The report, published by Save the Children, is a collection of testimonies from children living in refugee camps on the  borders of Syria which depicts a most disturbing picture of the horrors and extreme atrocities that children have been through in the conflict in Syria. 

For those of you too busy to read, let me highlight a few of the testimonies:

*Khalid 15 years old said, "They hung me up from the ceiling by my wrists, with my feet off the
ground. Then I was beaten. I passed out. I passed out from the severe pain of hanging like that, and from the beating.  They took me down and threw cold water on my face to wake me up. Then they took turns stubbing out their cigarettes on me."

* Wael, 16 years old recounted "These children were too weak to even cry. They just lay on the floor. They were also subjected to repeated beating with sticks, worse than us. I knew a boy called Ala’a. He was part of that group. He was only six years old. He didn’t understand what was happening.  I’d say that this six-year-old boy was tortured more than anyone else in that room. He wasn’t given food or water for three days, and he was so weak he used to faint all the time. He was beaten regularly.  I watched him die. He only survived for three days and then he simply died. He was terrified all the time. They treated his body as though he was a dog".

 

Moussa 15 years old said, " There were hundreds of us in prison – I was in a big cell with the other children. The youngest ones were nine or ten, they had been captured. I was beaten up every day, and they used electricity too.  In prison, when someone died, they kept hitting the body. There were dead bodies in my cell too – they’d been there for a long time and they stank. They were decomposing – there were maggots. Eventually, they threw me out. They carried me out on a blanket. I couldn’t move".

 

Anti-Assad Syrian groups claim close to 2,000 children have died in the conflict so far. In July, a British-based group called War Child said the Syrian conflict is “disturbingly unique” in the deliberate targeting of children, citing reports of hundreds of children being detained by the regime.

source: christemmanuel.org

source: rightnow.io

source: dailymail.co.uk

Feeling like a hero!

Today I actually feel like a HERO!  Several weeks back there was a break-in at one of the houses down the road on my street. My street, Street 13, is the last street in this small housing area.  The 2 thieves broke into the house through the back upstairs window and they were caught on CCTV.  However, they were both wearing caps and their faces could not be seen.  The CCTV recording showed them climbed up the downspout, then went down, disappeared for a few minutes, then they came back, climbed up again and then finally came down the second time with the loot. 

The CCTV recording was shown on our residents' association facebook page.  The Committee members who had analyzed the recording were baffled where the theives went during their disappearance before they came back to climb up again. 

I too saw the CCTV and the 2 guys looked kind of familiar, particularly their physique and the way they dress.  Several months ago I saw them walking along the main road of our housing area at about noon.  When I saw them, they were walking as though they were going home. I remember them because when I drove past them I made a mental note that it was odd that these 2 men should be walking around when they should be in their office working.

I called up the Secretary of the Residents' Committee and gave my 2 cents worth.  What I said was that I have seen 2 persons in our housing area looking quite like the 2 guys in the CCTV recording.  I also said that these 2 persons could be staying at either Street 12 or Street 13 because when I saw them, they were already reaching the end of the main road.  The Secretary then said that this possibility is very high because then the tape recording made sense.  He speculated that they must have failed to open the window the first time and had come down the downspout to go back home to take the necessary equipment before climbing up again. 

The Resident Committee, the security and the police then worked along this angle and investigated quietly for several weeks.  Early this morning the thieves were apprehended by the police at one of the houses on Street 12.  Apparently they are renting a house on street 12, a few doors away back to back from the victim's house. Today on facebook the Secretary commended me for having given the "first clue" which led to the arrest of the 2 "rats".  I can't help feeling like a hero!  ha..ha...  Anyway I am glad I contributed in a small way.  The Committee and the Security must have worked very hard to have the case solved. TQ RA, security guards and also the police. 

Always a silver lining behind every dark cloud

Yesterday while chatting with two dear old friends over coffee we asked each other this question “if you were to die tomorrow, what advice would you leave behind for those who will live after you?”  

My good friend A said, “I will tell them to be always kind to people because kindness of the heart is the most important quality in life.” I can’t agree with him more.  Another friend B said “I will tell them to study hard and work hard in order to get the most out of life.”  I totally agree with her there too. 

When it came to my turn, without hesitation I said, “I will tell them always to be happy even in the face of adversity.  Sometimes horrible things happen to you, like some people break your heart or betray you horribly, forgive them because things always happen for a reason and there is always a silver lining behind every dark cloud”.         

My two friends immediately responded, “That’s your own experience eh…?  Well said, well said”.  Then I realized indeed it was and how strongly I feel about it.  I suppose we are all molded by our experiences.   

If someone betrays you and at that time that may cause you much pain and seem so unfair and so horrible like you have come to the end of the world, , forgive him/her, because better things will happen your way (easier said than done, it normally takes time, for me it took some years).  Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, let go of the past, create your own life then live it in your own way, better than before!

Bingo!

Today at 5pm my sister called to ask why she could no longer open my blog.  Bingo!  I am right, she will be the first to ask.  Still waiting for others...he...he...

Food for thought

“You can spend your life judging people or, you can spend it making friends. Take your pick.”
― Carroll Bryant

Changes to blog

Made some changes to this blog today, including a change of name to keep it more private. For my friends and relatives who do read my blog I will give them the new name if they ask for it. If they do not, I won't broadcast it...he...he.... 

A big TQ to my kind and understanding big sister, without whose support I would not have kept my sanity the past weeks,.  he...he....I think she will be the first to ask first why she could no longer reach activegoldengirls, he...he...I'll wait and see.

The house suddenly feels too quiet

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”
― Markus Zusak

Father left my house for home yesterday after a 5-week stay.  Suddenly the house feels too quiet. How I wish he is willing to adopt my house as his home. Looking after father was tough but seeing him go home was tougher.

寻找活着的意义

生是一次偶然 死是一次必然~！活着的过程 这就是人生~！不要求自己走出的每一步都是对的 只要求自己走出的每一步都是无悔的 人生足已~！在活着的时候要找到自己存在的价值~！让自己过的充实一点~！.既然来到这个世界走一回，就好好的活上他一回~！活着一定要属于自己的“目标”和“梦想”给自己的人生画上几道色彩~！要是找不到自己存在的价值 就想想 自己 给自己一个交代 给父母 朋友 心里最爱的那个他/她一个交代~！然后在好好享受夕阳美 傻笑一下 给自己人生画上一个完美~..！ 活着的意义就是为了寻找活着的意义.

Source: http://www.36qp.com

Our moral obligation towards our elders

I just learnt that a draft revision of a law protecting senior citizens' rights and interests was recently submitted to China's legislature, and one controversial rule states that family members should pay regular visits to their seniors. Although this is a well-intended rule, doubts remain whether such a stipulation can be enforced when it becomes law.

Source: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/opinion/2012-07/03/content_15544585.htm

Today, Sis and I witnessed how much Father's mood was lifted by a brief visit from his youngest son who closed his clinic for a day and flew to KL to be with his Father.  He was immediately more engaged with his environment and more talkative, in contrast to his normal self when he sometimes would not utter one single word the whole day.

 

I suppose if the law could not be enforced, it could at least raise such an awareness among the people there.  

When they get older

I get some comfort and motivation from these cartoons. Credit to http://en.fishki.net

 

An unexpected visit

Last week I received an unexpected visit from an old boss, Mr. S. Veloo, known famously as the Public Services Department's Director of Salaries Division who was in a class of his own in matters relating to the Malaysian civil service salaries and conditions of service. He was also once the DG of Local Government during which time I worked under him for a brief period.

Mr. S.Veloo (centre), accompanied by my former colleague, Mr Tew

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

Life's greatest value

After a bout of illness which lasted almost 4 days, Father went back to his "normal" self. But today he is slow again. I hope to give him the best care possible so that he will leave my house at the end of his stay a little bit stronger. I pray and hope I could achieve that, although sometimes it gets very frustrating.

The chickuteh for Father

His porridge with blended cabbage

His paraphernalia

During his illness, my washing machine had to work overtime! 

Several days ago he came out to watch TV for the first time.  I wish he would do so more often  

Clitoria ternatea, common names butterfly-pea, blue-pea, and cordofan-pea or Bunga Telang which gives the natural blue colouring for pulut tekan, outside my backyard

Plants growing well in my backyard

Sister after a hard day's "work" at my house waiting for her husband to take her home.  Thank God for my sister, without whom I would definitely not be able to cope.
Bless her for her care for our Father and also for me!

One person caring about another represents life's
greatest value
Jim Rohn