Remembering our Mother, a lady of grace and patience

These pics were taken when I accompanied Sis Wan Lan to Fairy Park, Klang, Mother's final resting place on 7 April 2009,on the occassion of Cheng Beng. Sis Wan Lan had dutifully performed prayers for Mother since Mother returned to Heaven more than 10 years ago on 9 August 1998.

A million choices I could have made

Looking back

A million choices

I could have made

A thousand paths for me to take

And looking back

The answer's always clear when I ask myself

Would I have it all over again ?

Every moment good and bad

Every laughter and joy, disappointment and heartache

Spending time with myself

Today I took a break. I took a break from housework, I took a break from my research, I took a break from writing my reports, I took a break from preparing food for the children.

I woke up today and I just felt like taking a break. I had no idea what I will do. I dressed up, got into the car and drove out. Half an hour later I found myself at the Mall. I bought my favourite shampoo and just walked around the Mall for a good 4 hours, completely on my own. It was like a 4 hour "my-time" and I felt so refreshed afterwards. Maybe I should do it on a regular basis, maybe once a month or whenever I feel like de-stressing myself.

My visit to Sarajevo (after the siege on Sarajevo 1992-1996)

Rammaging through my drawers the other day, I found a stack of hard copy photographs of my trip to Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia Herzegovinia in December 1996. I was one of the 2 Malaysian government representives to the UN Mission for the reconstruction of Bosnis Herzegovinia. I decided to reproduce the photographs and post in this blog due to their historical significance but unfortunately the photos suffer from a lack of clarity.

The Sarajevo airport was closed due to extensive damage. So Mission members in 3 bus loads had to be transported by land from Croatia. It was a very very slow long journey through very very steep and hilly terrain on slippery icy roads, and when in Bosnian territory we had to cross several temporary bridges built by the army. Sometimes we were asked to cross the bridges on foot as the bridges may break due to the weight of the bus. I was completely quiet throughout the journey, all the time praying very hard that I would see my young children again, hugging very tightly onto my winter sweater.

The pictures I had captured showed how heavily Sarajevo was damaged during those four years of atrocities by the Serbs. After the glory of the 1984 Winter Olympics (which Sarajevo hosted) the splendour of the city was entirely destroyed. It was estimated more than 12,000 were killed and 50,000 wounded, 85% were civilians.

In January 2003, the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia convicted the first commander of the Sarajevo-Romanija Corps and sentenced him to life imprisonment for the crimes against humanity. Another General was sentenced to 33 years in prison. But could this make up for the sufferings of the Bosnians?

This picture shows what was left of what could have been a very majestic building.

The city square in complete ruin

The inside of the mosque in the city centre which was completely destroyed. Despite this, I witnessed the Friday congregational prayers when I was there. Hundreds of Muslims performed their Friday prayer outside the mosque, with just pieces of prayer mats laid down either on the grounds of the mosque or on the roads surrounding the mosque.

Government representatives in the UN Mission walking through the city ruins. The interpreter who was attached to us, a young Bosnian mother of 2 infants, tearfully related to me how she lost 2 brothers during the war, how her infants went hungry and cried for hours and how the adults in the neighbourhood tried to save as much food as possible for the children, including the neighbours' children, and themselves going hungry for days.




A close-up view of a building totally destroyed by the Serbian fires.

A view of the Hotel where I stayed. Please note the broken window panes. It was the Hilton.

A close-up view of the broken window panes of the Hotel where I stayed.

The room I stayed in was in quite a deplorable condition, the windows were broken, the walls had holes and the winter winds that blew into the room at night was quite unbearable.

That is me second from left. To my left is Malaysia 's Ambassador -at- large who was the other member of our delegation. Note the snow-capped hills. This was taken a few kilometers outside the city where the countryside was littered with numerous and countless graves.

After the Bosnia experience, I had never failed to appreciate the peace and stability prevailing in my own country.

Some Chinese proverbs

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

A smile will gain you ten more years of life.

Behave toward everyone as if receiving a guest.

Love what you do to ensure sucess

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful - Albert Schweitzer

The lure of free money

I was depositing RM500 into the cash deposit machine in one of the local banks today when a young man approached me and asked how much I had just put into the machine. I told him it is none of his business. He persisted despite my cold response and told me he represents the bank and would give me RM50 if I had just deposited RM500. I decided to show him the machine receipt and he gave me RM50, after I took a photo infront of the bank vehicle parked outside the bank, with a bank representative in the Bank's uniform. Well, it was strange but I did it and he gave me RM50. Hopefully there is nothing sinister, otherwise I suppose I would have been quite foolish. I'll just have to wait and see.

Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not everyman's greed -Mahatma Gandhi.

How did Confucius behave?

It was recorded that, "Confucius' manner was affable yet firm, commanding but not harsh, polite but completely at ease". He was easy to get along with, but he was not pushed around because of weakness. His inner strength seemed to give him poise and a free-flowing manner.

In his leisure hours Confucius' manner was very free-and-easy, and his expression alert and cheerful. Confucius was a very positive person. He had a good sense of humor and used it often.

Confucius was also most polite. Proper human relations were most important to Confucius, and even in the smallest matters he showed his respect for people.

You are alone? Are you lonely?

While in a tele conversation with an old friend today, she asked, "Who is at home with you"? I told her "Alone". "Alone?" she said, "Where are your children?". I explained they have their own lives and do not stay at home much. Then she asked "do you feel lonely?" I said "No".

After the conversation, I examined again her question and my answer. What is loneliness? I think if being lonely as I understand it, is a feeling of isolation, of being cut off from other human beings, of being "deprived", of being "in grief", then my answer is definitely still "No, I am not lonely".

I think being alone does not necessarily equate to being lonely. I think I can still be alone and enjoy the things that I do, like writing, reading, watching the television, gardening, cooking, listening to music, even house cleaning or just resting, without feeling at all lonely.

Confucius quotes

When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Confucius

Respect yourself and others will respect you.
Confucius

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions
Confucius

Each person has a place in God's overall plan

Last night I was at an old classmate's son's wedding dinner. There were 5 of us at the function who were in the same class in secondary school some 45 years ago! We were then innocent 16 year olds. How we have all changed! Each of us had taken very different paths in life.

One of the girls has become a multimillionaire, owning a string of Chinese restaurants in the country and even one in London, has a successful legal firm, keeps a stable of vintage cars and is still single. Another is a Doctor, also a University V.C and has a title conferred by the King, married with 2 children. The third is a contented housewife with 2 children, one a doctor and another an engineer. The fourth has retired as a Human Resource Director of a large MNC, has one married daughter and 2 grandchildren and now owns a high-end boutique in a fashionable part of the city. Last is myself who has retired after 30 years in the civil service with 3 grown up children.

45 years ago we had not planned how we would turn out 45 years later. I suppose a person's circumstances are determined by an extremely large number of variables, depending on the laws of nature, his own effort, his merit, and his fortune. I suppose each person has a place in God's overall plan.

"Li" in the work place

I started my education in a Chinese primary school 55 years ago. The school Principal of the second Chinese primary school that I attended (in Parit Buntar), who was then maybe about 50, came from China. He used to explain to us in very simple language the teachings of Confucius. As I grew up my interest in the teachings of Confucius continued.

Confucius taught a Code of Conduct called "Li". I recall long ago reading in a Chinese book about the application of "Li" in the workplace. Throughout my career of 30 years in the service, I tried to hold on to the principles of "Li" in my everyday life and in my workplace. I found that consciously practicing the "Li" principles had brought me inner peace and contentment, even when adverse situations arose in the workplace.

Li in the workplace

The practice of Li in the workplace is comprehensive, ranging from smiling at a co-worker to being kind to others. It includes a sense of willingness to serve others. It includes a sense of self-responsibility and discipline. It includes not engaging in practices that are unethical and corrupt . It includes being respectful of all in the work place, irrespective of rank. It includes working with a commitment to realize the objectives of the organization. It includes ensuring the well being of fellow colleagues.

The opposite of Li bahaviour in the work place is the obsession on “self.” This includes rudeness, insensitivity, bullying, gossiping, and being disrespectful. It includes not recognizing the importance of fellow workers and speaking ill of others.

Cultivated people

Confucius said,

Cultivated people have nine thoughts.

• When they look, they think of how to see clearly.
• When they listen, they think of how to hear keenly.
• In regard to their appearance, they think of how to be warm.
• In their demeanor, they think of how to be respectful.
• In their speech, they think of how to be truthful.
• In their work, they think of how to be serious.
• When in doubt, they think of how to pose questions.
• When angry, they think of trouble.
• When they see gain to be had, they think of justice.

Create our own happy working environment

A young person confessed in me his problems at work. He told me he is suffering in his work place due to victimization at work because he and his boss cannot get along. At a recent confrontation between his superiors and him, he was told he underperformed, even though he brought in the second highest revenue to the department. He was told his achievement is "just lucky" and has nothing to do with his efforts. In fact he was told that he was not enthusiastic at work. Something is wrong somewhere. If a worker brings in results, how could he have underperformed?

His problem makes me reflect back on my 30 years of working experience in the government service. On reflection, I think one most important part of our working life is the working environment. However, there is no such thing as the perfect working environment. The only person who can provide a working person a "good " working environment is ourselves.

One prerequisite is a person needs to like his job. He needs to be able to identify what he wants to accomplish in his job in order to feel the kind of enthusiasm and commitment that makes his working days worthwhile. Once he has the self motivation to achieve his goals at work, his enthusiasm will shine through and "bad bosses" or "bad colleagues" become secondary. He would have created for himself a "good working environment".

Also some bosses tend to want to show their weight and pick on things like coming late to work, coming late for meetings, etc. This can be easily eliminated by not breaking the rules at all and not giving any reason for bosses to use these against him.

I had realized quite early in my 30 years of working life that resigning is not an option for me as I needed to earn to pay for my commitments, i.e. the housing loan, the car loan and most important of all, the expenses for my 3 children who I practically brought up singlehandedly.

Motivating ourselves to create our own happy working environment is important as there is no such thing as a "perfect working environment". Once we are happy at work, our enthusiasm shines through and the "rewards" of personal fulfillment comes naturally.

Enjoy these definitions

• School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
• Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
• Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
• Marriage: An agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
• Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either.”
• Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
• Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
• Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Words to live by

At the age of 97 years and 4 months, Shigeaki Hinohara is one of the world's longest-serving physicians and educators. Since 1941 he has been healing patients at St. Luke's International Hospital in Tokyo and teaching at St. Luke's College of Nursing.

After World War II, he pioneered Japan's top medical facility and nursing school. Today he serves as chairman of the board of trustees at both organizations. Always willing to try new things, he has published around 150 books since his 75th birthday, including one "Living Long, Living Good" that has sold more than 1.2 million copies. As the founder of the New Elderly Movement, Hinohara encourages others to live a long and happy life.

Some of his advice:

• Energy comes from feeling good, not from eating well or sleeping a lot.
• All people who live long — regardless of nationality, race or gender — share one thing in common: None are overweight. For breakfast he drinks coffee, a glass of milk and some orange juice with a tablespoon of olive oil in it. Lunch is milk and a few cookies or nothing when he is too busy to eat. Dinner is veggies, a bit of fish and rice, and, twice a week, 100 grams of lean meat.
• Always plan ahead.
• There is no need to ever retire, but if one must, it should be a lot later than 65.
• To stay healthy, always take the stairs and carry your own stuff.
• Don't be crazy about amassing material things. Remember: You don't know when your number is up, and you can't take it with you to the next place.

Please read the full article Words to Live By ,by JUDIT KAWAGUCHI

The height of arrogance!

A political leader's wife recently said to the press that it is 'destiny" her husband would become the next Prime Minister. Ignorant me checked up the dictionary and other sources and found the following definitions of 'destiny":

• Fore-ordained by the Divine or God
• A future that was already pre-determined
• Written in the stars and cannot be changed
• Karma

Wow! Talk about arrogance! Guess which not-so-slim needs a lesson in the humility department as badly as she needs a liposuction? She should also be reminded of Newton's Law of Gravity - what goes up must come down!

Fashion for older women

Who says the older women cannot be fashionable? I found these fashionable outfit for the older women in http://www.silverts.com/ (above) and http://www.baybridgecentral.com/ (below)

The older woman can wear age-appropriate clothes that are also comfortable and fashionable.

An appalling insult on old age

I was reading an article where-should-old-people-shop when I came across the following remark from one of the readers in response to the article:

"Where should old people shop? How about the casket store?
Does it really matter? - Tim 11:17 am March 6th, 2009"

I feel like bashing him up! He thinks he will never grow old or what?

A poor rich man

I know of someone who has a lot of money. He has a few properties in prime locations in the city. He has a fat savings account and investments of more than a few millions. But he lives in a filthy house full of rubbish which he had not cleared for many years. His eyesight is failing and he has other health issues. His health condition does not allow him to drive or to travel. He has no wife and no children to keep him company, to love him, to give him support, to worry about him... Is he rich? You tell me. To me, he may have millions and is technically very rich, but he is not rich, he is very poor.

Laugh!

Do you know?

Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones.

• Laughter increases the level of health-enhancing hormones.

Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system .

A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.

Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter.

Read the full artivle: The Laughing Cure by Elizabeth Scott, M.S

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful for the difficult times,
Because during those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes,
Because they will teach you valuable lessons.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
But a life of rich fulfillment comes to those
Who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

And they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown