You are alone? Are you lonely?

While in a tele conversation with an old friend today, she asked, "Who is at home with you"? I told her "Alone". "Alone?" she said, "Where are your children?". I explained they have their own lives and do not stay at home much. Then she asked "do you feel lonely?" I said "No".

After the conversation, I examined again her question and my answer. What is loneliness? I think if being lonely as I understand it, is a feeling of isolation, of being cut off from other human beings, of being "deprived", of being "in grief", then my answer is definitely still "No, I am not lonely".

I think being alone does not necessarily equate to being lonely. I think I can still be alone and enjoy the things that I do, like writing, reading, watching the television, gardening, cooking, listening to music, even house cleaning or just resting, without feeling at all lonely.

Confucius quotes

When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Confucius

Respect yourself and others will respect you.
Confucius

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions
Confucius

Each person has a place in God's overall plan

Last night I was at an old classmate's son's wedding dinner. There were 5 of us at the function who were in the same class in secondary school some 45 years ago! We were then innocent 16 year olds. How we have all changed! Each of us had taken very different paths in life.

One of the girls has become a multimillionaire, owning a string of Chinese restaurants in the country and even one in London, has a successful legal firm, keeps a stable of vintage cars and is still single. Another is a Doctor, also a University V.C and has a title conferred by the King, married with 2 children. The third is a contented housewife with 2 children, one a doctor and another an engineer. The fourth has retired as a Human Resource Director of a large MNC, has one married daughter and 2 grandchildren and now owns a high-end boutique in a fashionable part of the city. Last is myself who has retired after 30 years in the civil service with 3 grown up children.

45 years ago we had not planned how we would turn out 45 years later. I suppose a person's circumstances are determined by an extremely large number of variables, depending on the laws of nature, his own effort, his merit, and his fortune. I suppose each person has a place in God's overall plan.

"Li" in the work place

I started my education in a Chinese primary school 55 years ago. The school Principal of the second Chinese primary school that I attended (in Parit Buntar), who was then maybe about 50, came from China. He used to explain to us in very simple language the teachings of Confucius. As I grew up my interest in the teachings of Confucius continued.

Confucius taught a Code of Conduct called "Li". I recall long ago reading in a Chinese book about the application of "Li" in the workplace. Throughout my career of 30 years in the service, I tried to hold on to the principles of "Li" in my everyday life and in my workplace. I found that consciously practicing the "Li" principles had brought me inner peace and contentment, even when adverse situations arose in the workplace.

Li in the workplace

The practice of Li in the workplace is comprehensive, ranging from smiling at a co-worker to being kind to others. It includes a sense of willingness to serve others. It includes a sense of self-responsibility and discipline. It includes not engaging in practices that are unethical and corrupt . It includes being respectful of all in the work place, irrespective of rank. It includes working with a commitment to realize the objectives of the organization. It includes ensuring the well being of fellow colleagues.

The opposite of Li bahaviour in the work place is the obsession on “self.” This includes rudeness, insensitivity, bullying, gossiping, and being disrespectful. It includes not recognizing the importance of fellow workers and speaking ill of others.

Cultivated people

Confucius said,

Cultivated people have nine thoughts.

• When they look, they think of how to see clearly.
• When they listen, they think of how to hear keenly.
• In regard to their appearance, they think of how to be warm.
• In their demeanor, they think of how to be respectful.
• In their speech, they think of how to be truthful.
• In their work, they think of how to be serious.
• When in doubt, they think of how to pose questions.
• When angry, they think of trouble.
• When they see gain to be had, they think of justice.

Create our own happy working environment

A young person confessed in me his problems at work. He told me he is suffering in his work place due to victimization at work because he and his boss cannot get along. At a recent confrontation between his superiors and him, he was told he underperformed, even though he brought in the second highest revenue to the department. He was told his achievement is "just lucky" and has nothing to do with his efforts. In fact he was told that he was not enthusiastic at work. Something is wrong somewhere. If a worker brings in results, how could he have underperformed?

His problem makes me reflect back on my 30 years of working experience in the government service. On reflection, I think one most important part of our working life is the working environment. However, there is no such thing as the perfect working environment. The only person who can provide a working person a "good " working environment is ourselves.

One prerequisite is a person needs to like his job. He needs to be able to identify what he wants to accomplish in his job in order to feel the kind of enthusiasm and commitment that makes his working days worthwhile. Once he has the self motivation to achieve his goals at work, his enthusiasm will shine through and "bad bosses" or "bad colleagues" become secondary. He would have created for himself a "good working environment".

Also some bosses tend to want to show their weight and pick on things like coming late to work, coming late for meetings, etc. This can be easily eliminated by not breaking the rules at all and not giving any reason for bosses to use these against him.

I had realized quite early in my 30 years of working life that resigning is not an option for me as I needed to earn to pay for my commitments, i.e. the housing loan, the car loan and most important of all, the expenses for my 3 children who I practically brought up singlehandedly.

Motivating ourselves to create our own happy working environment is important as there is no such thing as a "perfect working environment". Once we are happy at work, our enthusiasm shines through and the "rewards" of personal fulfillment comes naturally.

Enjoy these definitions

• School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
• Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
• Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
• Marriage: An agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
• Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either.”
• Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
• Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
• Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Words to live by

At the age of 97 years and 4 months, Shigeaki Hinohara is one of the world's longest-serving physicians and educators. Since 1941 he has been healing patients at St. Luke's International Hospital in Tokyo and teaching at St. Luke's College of Nursing.

After World War II, he pioneered Japan's top medical facility and nursing school. Today he serves as chairman of the board of trustees at both organizations. Always willing to try new things, he has published around 150 books since his 75th birthday, including one "Living Long, Living Good" that has sold more than 1.2 million copies. As the founder of the New Elderly Movement, Hinohara encourages others to live a long and happy life.

Some of his advice:

• Energy comes from feeling good, not from eating well or sleeping a lot.
• All people who live long — regardless of nationality, race or gender — share one thing in common: None are overweight. For breakfast he drinks coffee, a glass of milk and some orange juice with a tablespoon of olive oil in it. Lunch is milk and a few cookies or nothing when he is too busy to eat. Dinner is veggies, a bit of fish and rice, and, twice a week, 100 grams of lean meat.
• Always plan ahead.
• There is no need to ever retire, but if one must, it should be a lot later than 65.
• To stay healthy, always take the stairs and carry your own stuff.
• Don't be crazy about amassing material things. Remember: You don't know when your number is up, and you can't take it with you to the next place.

Please read the full article Words to Live By ,by JUDIT KAWAGUCHI

The height of arrogance!

A political leader's wife recently said to the press that it is 'destiny" her husband would become the next Prime Minister. Ignorant me checked up the dictionary and other sources and found the following definitions of 'destiny":

• Fore-ordained by the Divine or God
• A future that was already pre-determined
• Written in the stars and cannot be changed
• Karma

Wow! Talk about arrogance! Guess which not-so-slim needs a lesson in the humility department as badly as she needs a liposuction? She should also be reminded of Newton's Law of Gravity - what goes up must come down!

Fashion for older women

Who says the older women cannot be fashionable? I found these fashionable outfit for the older women in http://www.silverts.com/ (above) and http://www.baybridgecentral.com/ (below)

The older woman can wear age-appropriate clothes that are also comfortable and fashionable.

An appalling insult on old age

I was reading an article where-should-old-people-shop when I came across the following remark from one of the readers in response to the article:

"Where should old people shop? How about the casket store?
Does it really matter? - Tim 11:17 am March 6th, 2009"

I feel like bashing him up! He thinks he will never grow old or what?

A poor rich man

I know of someone who has a lot of money. He has a few properties in prime locations in the city. He has a fat savings account and investments of more than a few millions. But he lives in a filthy house full of rubbish which he had not cleared for many years. His eyesight is failing and he has other health issues. His health condition does not allow him to drive or to travel. He has no wife and no children to keep him company, to love him, to give him support, to worry about him... Is he rich? You tell me. To me, he may have millions and is technically very rich, but he is not rich, he is very poor.

Laugh!

Do you know?

Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones.

• Laughter increases the level of health-enhancing hormones.

Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system .

A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.

Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter.

Read the full artivle: The Laughing Cure by Elizabeth Scott, M.S

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful for the difficult times,
Because during those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes,
Because they will teach you valuable lessons.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
But a life of rich fulfillment comes to those
Who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

And they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown